THE INVISIBLE BULLY | TRANSCRIPTION

THE INVISIBLE BULLY_Jesse Russell Brooks

The Invisible Bully | Act 1

03:09:00

R.
“I will harm myself because it’s just going to happen to a person like me. This is my reward.”

J.
I think I was just born unlucky. I think harm is just one of the obvious things that is going to happen to me. And that there's no way getting out of it.  I feel like it’s healthier to think that it’s my reward rather to think that it's arbitrary.

R.
So you think that?  You think that you will harm yourself?  You think that you are destined to harm yourself?

J.
(Uncomfortable laughter) I think that being myself is harming myself. But it is not logically true.  It’s not true. I don’t know how it is not true but I know it is not true.


06:23:00

J.
“You’re Pathetic. Get a life.”

R.
I believe this is true.

J.
“Get a life!” You already are living.

R.
I do have a life. I just don’t have the things that show it.

J.
Being alive shows that you have a life.

R.
That’s true. I can see that.

The Invisible Bully_Jesse Russell Brooks


09:17:00

J.
"Doormat."

R.
That's what comes to my mind when I think of how I navigate in the world and I think of how people see me. Doormat.

J.
You don't have anything else to say?

R.
I don't think there is anything more to say. I think that's the word that comes to my mind.

J.
When you hear it is it just "doormat?" or is it part of a sentence?

R.
I am... I feel like a doormat sometimes with the way people treat me. I allow people to treat me like a doormat.

J.
What would you say to someone who treats you as a doormat?

R.
I am not a doormat.


12:18:00

R.
“I don’t even like love. I don’t know what that is and it’s not important.”

J.
I mean... I don’t even think that is true but that’s what I hear. That’s what I hear. I hear. I don’t know what that is and it’s not important. I don’t know what that is and it’s not important.

R.
What don’t you like about it.

J.
I love everything about it. But. Um. Why do I keep saying it?  Is... I keep saying it because, if you don’t like something it won't be... It should not be important to you. So, If love doesn’t go the way I want it too, it doesn’t have enough value to affect me emotionally becuase it is not important.

R.
So you don't want love to be important?

J.
It would make life a lot easier if it wasn't for me. It would make life bearable.  That probably itself is a critical voice becuase life is bearable

R.
Would you want life without love?

J.
No. "I don't even like love. It's stupid and its not important." is an old and repeated relic that has been repeating in my head forever and I know it's not true.

R.
How do you know?

J.
Becuase, I am loved by my girlfriend.  I'm loved by my friends. And I'm loved by my family and I love them too.

R.
Are they important?

J.
Yes. They are.

The Invisible Bully_ Jesse Russell Brooks & Ruby Flores

16:06:00

J.
"Don't put yourself out there. You'll only get disappointed."

R.
It's what I feel but it's not what I should do.

J.
Why?

R.
Cuss. It's not life. That's living in fear.


17:18:00

R.
“I don’t even like love. I don’t know what that is and it’s not important.” Do you know what love is? To you?

J.
I don't know.

R.
“I don’t even like love. I don’t know what that is and it’s not important.” Do you want love?

J.
Yes. I think love is... I think love is two or more people who care for themselves as well as each other or the others in their community. They... They can hear or listen to each other's needs and help comfort one another if or if not those needs are met.  They are reliable for one another and can be counted on emotionally.  I think love is...

R.
“I don’t even like love. I don’t know what that is and it’s not important.”

J.
I do know what love is. It's just difficult for me to day.

R.
Can you say that it's important?

J.
Yes. Love is important.


22:26:00

J.
"They think you're crazy. They know you're crazy."

R.
We all have secrets. We all have things and pain.  And it comes out awkward. Sometimes you just don't feel like someone else. And that feels crazy and I think people can see it.